Today I celebrate 29 years since I committed to marrying Mark. We were engaged on Valentines Day in 1989. Every year I wonder what made us make such a huge decision, after only months of dating? I often wish I could go back to that young couple, with so many dreams and aspirations for life. We were going to make a fortune and have the perfect family.
I think in many ways, we have achieved both, just not the way I envisioned, as my idealistic 21 year old self. The other day I asked our youngest if she thought she would marry? I have asked this before and the answer is always different. This time her response, "I don't know, because I don't want to get divorced."
Heartbreaking, it really caught me off guard. I responded, but my words seemed hallow. Saying something about going into marriage with the belief of success, commitment, flexibility, acceptance, but knowing, if she really saw marriage as a trap, it will be. I believe in our thoughts making our life what it is, at least partially. I also believe in God.
Kinda ironic, if you think about all I have shared about us. I do believe much of the journey of life is what you think and believe it to be and become. I know I talked about having a special needs child, long before Teale came into being. I spoke of "her" even in high school. Maybe I knew I needed Teale to learn the lessons I needed to learn? Once married, I thought Mark and I could be great parents to a child with challenges. We talked about adoption or a program where we would be a host family to kids from difficult home lives. So, did my thoughts bring Teale to me? Could be? Life is full of endless mysteries.
Does your brain think all your successes and loses before they happen? Is staying positive and believing in yourself, in love, in financial success, etc. the way people achieve it? I'm not sure what mysteries we know and live, but I do believe positive thinking does not hurt. Believing in others and in yourself brings good and good brings more good. I've gone through many dark times, when light seemed out of reach, but when you see even a sliver of light in darkness and reach for it, it starts to help you find more. Gratefulness does the same for me, reminding myself of all I am grateful for, brings me more to be grateful for.
Today I celebrate the beginning of the greatest achievement of my life, the bond I have with Mark. Today and everyday, I celebrate our love. Our relationship is the most important achievement of my life because it is the foundation, to everything else I am.
I think in many ways, we have achieved both, just not the way I envisioned, as my idealistic 21 year old self. The other day I asked our youngest if she thought she would marry? I have asked this before and the answer is always different. This time her response, "I don't know, because I don't want to get divorced."
Heartbreaking, it really caught me off guard. I responded, but my words seemed hallow. Saying something about going into marriage with the belief of success, commitment, flexibility, acceptance, but knowing, if she really saw marriage as a trap, it will be. I believe in our thoughts making our life what it is, at least partially. I also believe in God.
Kinda ironic, if you think about all I have shared about us. I do believe much of the journey of life is what you think and believe it to be and become. I know I talked about having a special needs child, long before Teale came into being. I spoke of "her" even in high school. Maybe I knew I needed Teale to learn the lessons I needed to learn? Once married, I thought Mark and I could be great parents to a child with challenges. We talked about adoption or a program where we would be a host family to kids from difficult home lives. So, did my thoughts bring Teale to me? Could be? Life is full of endless mysteries.
Does your brain think all your successes and loses before they happen? Is staying positive and believing in yourself, in love, in financial success, etc. the way people achieve it? I'm not sure what mysteries we know and live, but I do believe positive thinking does not hurt. Believing in others and in yourself brings good and good brings more good. I've gone through many dark times, when light seemed out of reach, but when you see even a sliver of light in darkness and reach for it, it starts to help you find more. Gratefulness does the same for me, reminding myself of all I am grateful for, brings me more to be grateful for.
Today I celebrate the beginning of the greatest achievement of my life, the bond I have with Mark. Today and everyday, I celebrate our love. Our relationship is the most important achievement of my life because it is the foundation, to everything else I am.
