Almond Milk, part three

 As I said before, my phone starts blowing up, we have many who know us, who know Teale, in our small community. People call, text, let me know Mark needs support. I’m on my way, when Mark, himself calls me. I tell him I’m coming and we decide I’ll pull up close, hopefully, he can get her out to me. He has others nearby, security of the store, a manager who knows him, but everyone is helpless. As I pull into the parking lot, next to his car, he’s walking out, Teale is calm, two other men are nearby. Mark and I can generally tell, if, she’s safe, if driving with her will be ok. Teale wants to get in my car. Mark still needs to pay for the groceries and I’m guessing apologize. We barely talk to each other, knowing, it will not be helpful in the moment. I’ll take Teale, he’ll deal with the staff. I won’t hear the whole story until much later, processing can be difficult for us, it knocks us emotionally, sometimes for several days. This one would be in the top ten, a twisted mental list, Mark and I have of the worst rages. It would unsettle our trust and make us fearful to be in public with Teale. This would be a turning point in changes that would need to happen to eventually improve her quality of life and ours. I drove the ten minutes home in silence. Knowing, all I wanted in this moment was to get her inside the safety of our home. At home, we can control the environment more so, keeping objects that could be thrown away from her. Often, if we can get her to the couch, in the living room, that is her calming place. She can get herself back to stable. She may yell, rock back and forth, but it’s not as scary as in public. In public, none of us are “in control.” The environment changes in public, the people are unpredictable. We’ve experienced too many who say hurtful things to us. We’ve had people who think it’s our fault, a disciplinary problem, we have, that could be solved. Brain damage is tricky, it’s unpredictable and tough to stabilize her mental health. Medications are processed differently in everyone, but Teale’s brain damage makes the process of knowing what, and how much, she needs, very specific to her alone. Mark, myself and Teale’s doctors need to read Teale, constantly, to make informed decisions about her care. Teale is on an antipsychotic medication, which has made our lives more stable. It has calmed Teale’s mood’s, giving her a better quality of life. But body chemistry changes, hormones, environment, what she chooses to eat or drink in a given day, how much sleep she gets, it all factors in. It’s complicated in a typical person who can communicate. Teale isn’t able to give us abstract thoughts. She can’t tell us when medication makes her feel good or bad. All the side effects of medications that are unseen, we have to be attuned to. Had the antipsychotic medication that had helped for years, run it’s course? 

Mark would slowly fill me in over several days. Processing takes time. You forget when in that kind of stress. The details get lost in your mind. We have to process together, what this all means for Teale. Would a medication change be coming. Would she need new doctors? The psychiatrist we had been working with had left the practice. At this time, we could only get a consultation with him and Teale’s PCP. If the antipsychotic medication had run the course, what was next? More questions, than answers would run through our heads. Mark and I process it all differently. Which is helpful in many ways. We both want the best for Teale, we both need peace and know living in fear is not an option. I can not live in unpredictably. Mark needs us all to be safe. 

Sadly, it will be many months, before we are on the road to a new plan that helps Teale. 

To be continued…

Almond Milk ~ part 2

 As usual, Teale would start to put the groceries on the conveyor belt. Mark joking every week that Teale was “his assistant.” He hadn’t figured out what had turned her mood to sour or how to get her out of it, then it happened. She picked up an Almond milk carton high above the conveyor belt and before Mark could stop it, she slammed it down so hard it exploded open! Almond milk sprayed all over the groceries, the woman ahead in line and her groceries, the impulse stuff in the aisle, everywhere! Then Teale started screaming at the top of her lungs and went to push over the cart of groceries, or anything she could get her hands on. Mark had to grab her to get her to a more empty space, so she couldn’t start throwing stuff at others. The only place to go was back, where people line up, to check out. I need to explain to those not familiar, this is Pittsford Wegmans, it is the mothership or all Wegmans, the one the owners visit regularly on Saturday mornings. They talk to Mark and Teale often, and Mark has shared some of Teale’s story with them. Saturday mornings are busy, it is crowded and loud. But, Mark would tell me later, if not for Teale’s screaming, you could hear a pin drop. The customers hushed, the screaming continued and Mark stood by watching Teale flail on the ground. She was out of control trying to hit, kick, throw things and the screaming, drew much attention. Her voice so loud people who were shopping that day and knew us, went to Mark to try to help. I started receiving texts and calls that Mark was in trouble at Wegmans. Fear shot through me, Daniel Prue, always in my mind and heart, I knew instinctively, this was a rage that could bring police. Thankful he was someplace where many knew and loved us. I prayed for Teale’s safety, as I rushed to get ready to go to Wegmans. People came to Mark, strangers, neighbors, friends of ours, employees who knew us, and even Teale’s Aunt, happened to be there, and recognized Teale’s voice. The person that really stood out, was a young pharmacy technician, named Jen. She had developed a love of Teale, we are at the pharmacy a lot. Teale struggles with so many physical and mental issues, medication has been a huge part of our lives with her. Jen came up to Mark and asked if she could sit with Teale. I am teary, just writing and remembering this. Here Teale is screaming, hitting and biting herself, wanting to hurt Mark, knock over or throw whatever she could and Jen asks Mark if she can sit with her? Mark and I both stay back when Teale is upset, we know we can be the target. Mark tells Jen that he can’t guarantee her safety, that Teale may strike out at her. She chooses to sit with Teale anyways. Teale doesn’t lash out at Jen. Jen quietly talks to Teale, her love and compassion in this moment a gift to all of us. A police officer does appear, Mark, unsure if he happened to be there, or if he was called. Mark is able to explain to him that Teale does not understand his authority and to please just let him handle the situation. The only way to get Teale through these brutal moments, is time and patience. You can’t force her to leave, or calm her with words. Time is the only thing that works, just waiting her out, until she comes back to us. In these moments Mark and I have learned to be calm, to not rock the boat, in any way. We’ve learned to stay back for our safety, to keep others away. But, Mark is in a crowded store, in a highly trafficked area. People should see the situation and avoid walking there, but many don’t. People stare, people judge, but our skin is tough. We’ve been hurt by many over the years, who don’t understand Teale has severe brain injury, from her birth. They don’t understand, it is by no fault of hers, or ours, that these moments occur, that control over her emotions is lost. 

To be continued…