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Sunday, November 13, 2016

My Heart Aches

As opinions and feelings are coming out about the election, many of us have  been quiet. We are not apathetic, we are contemplative and trying to understand our own feelings.
I write because it's cathartic and I'm still trying to understand. I write for me first, to learn and to remember. Writing helps me sort through my confused feelings and often, solutions come to light.
So if this is your first time here, I have a daughter with severe, multiple disabilities. Her life has taught acceptance, grace, humility and deep unconditional love. She has challenged my family more than anything else. 
This election has rocked me, my confidence in a caring community has wavered. I am completely unsure of the future for my daughter under this government. 
I am struggling with what I used to think I understood and what I now realize. I am struggling with what I believed about society and people everywhere. I am struggling with how the most vulnerable, can be overlooked and ignored. 
I thought my daughter had a village, a community of people who care about her. I've gotten support and love from people who have looked into our faces and seen our struggle. I've been forced to rethink and reevaluate each one of those faces. I'm no longer confident about my journey here. 
I'm mourning the fact that I may have been delusional and care came only in theory, when it didn't get in the way of what people really want. Is her life  and wellbeing only important to my face, but not in action? 
I'm challenged by the fact that my President, a grown man, can make fun of someone with disabilities. That those actions don't resonate the same sick response in all, as it does in me. 
How can you not show a deep respect for a man who lives with challenges and has been so successful. My daughter, like that reporter, uses only one arm. I understand the obstacles this causes her every single day. I see every success she has, to be monumental. Teaching a child who uses one arm opens your eyes to how blessed you are to have two working arms. Disrespect of a person with different abilities just mortifies me. How in anyone's world could it be ok to make fun of others, especially as a man running for President of The United States? 
I'm mourning the fact that so many who know us, who know my daughter, could ignore a man's blatant hate and disregard toward a whole community? That community includes my daughter & if you have never had the honor to be part of the special needs world, you are missing out. 
I'm mourning and many throw around how we are being whiners or over sensitive. Many protect him and say he didn't mean it, but I've seen the videos and my heart aches.
My heart aches because I understand what it's like to love people who are challenged and I feel sorry for those of you who don't. 


  1. I feel for you, Ellie. I don't think anything has changed the way I see my friends (from both parties) as much as this election has. But actions speak louder than words, and sometimes you just have to go with that when it comes to your friends and other people you love. What other choice do you have?

  2. Beautiful. I feel the exact same way, Ellie. I feel betrayed. People whom I thought had heart do not. I've heard comments from men who have stated that "if he is tapping THAT, he has MY vote!" Are you kidding me???

    There is much more ignorance than what I thought. The Neanderthal lives. I have a schoolmate who is a Pastor and he LOVES Trump! What? How could that be? I don't understand....

    May God bless us all. Especially our most vulnerable citizens. ����

  3. Thoughtful, poignant post, dear Ellie Beth. The outcome of this election was hopelessly heartbreaking and so very discouraging, for sure. But we're all in this together - we have to keep the faith and forge on together, stronger than we were. Don't lose hope that we, as a nation, will find our way again. Sometimes it's two steps forward, one step backwards (this one felt like 1,000 steps backwards, unfortunately). Try to keep in mind that little Sunday school hymn, 'This little light o'mine, I'm gonna let it shine!' - shine it into the dark corners of hatred, prejudice, misogyny, xenophobia, taking advantage of those with disabilities, anti-choice, anti-environment, and every other negative trait that America has that needs exposing, to chase it away. Dear Lord, please save America from itself .... ˚ ˚✰˚

  4. Feeling the heartbreak here, too. Your caring community of friends is still here. We love and support you.