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Friday, November 11, 2016

Good Intentions

Recently I was "questioned" about Mark's schedule. Our weekends are often filled with gigs. The friend said ~ "So you never get a weekend?"
The question seemed negative & accusatory. Although, it may not have been meant that way, it did get me thinking about my life with my "weekend musician."
Weekends have just not been for us, what they are for most. Our "living for the weekend mentality" died about the time Teale became explosive.
She has always been tougher on weekends & school holidays. Being out of schedule & not in school or programs would create anxiety in Teale. Often her behaviors would escalate & no doubt, in general, she can be tougher for Mark & I, than for any other person or program. We have had to "divide & conquer" in our family much. Mark has protected Gwenn, Beau & me against Teale's explosive episodes by being her primary caregiver whenever he could. I have, in turn, had much more time with Gwenn. Dividing our family has been tough. Mark & I rarely saw each other on weekends in the most stressful days of Teale's behaviors. Dividing our family this way has created some problematic dynamics, but our intentions were always for the good of all.
There was a time Mark wished to never have a weekend. He would say he would gladly give up his weekends & work seven days a week, if Teale would also be able to go to school seven days a week. He saw her as happier & more stable, on school days. He yearned to create that consistency for her & a break for our family.
Life with Mark is just that. He is selfless, loyal & loving.
So as opportunities started opening up again for him to pursue his music, timing was everything. Teale had become much more stable, life was "easier" & more predictable. It was his time & I was thrilled to see him in his passion again.
As Mark started playing gigs, I saw him lift people through his music. I also realized how much he received in return. His renewed energy was contagious in our family & in our friends. Mark brings joy through music & with that, we get, far more than we give up.
As for me, I don't get a lot of clear weekends, but Mark makes up for that everyday. Day Dates have become our escape & in many ways, those days are far more renewing to my spirit than weekends ever were.
Thank you Mark for putting me first. As I heard you tell someone recently ~ "We are lucky to have each other." 

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