As I said before, my phone starts blowing up, we have many who know us, who know Teale, in our small community. People call, text, let me know Mark needs support. I’m on my way, when Mark, himself calls me. I tell him I’m coming and we decide I’ll pull up close, hopefully, he can get her out to me. He has others nearby, security of the store, a manager who knows him, but everyone is helpless. As I pull into the parking lot, next to his car, he’s walking out, Teale is calm, two other men are nearby. Mark and I can generally tell, if, she’s safe, if driving with her will be ok. Teale wants to get in my car. Mark still needs to pay for the groceries and I’m guessing apologize. We barely talk to each other, knowing, it will not be helpful in the moment. I’ll take Teale, he’ll deal with the staff. I won’t hear the whole story until much later, processing can be difficult for us, it knocks us emotionally, sometimes for several days. This one would be in the top ten, a twisted mental list, Mark and I have of the worst rages. It would unsettle our trust and make us fearful to be in public with Teale. This would be a turning point in changes that would need to happen to eventually improve her quality of life and ours. I drove the ten minutes home in silence. Knowing, all I wanted in this moment was to get her inside the safety of our home. At home, we can control the environment more so, keeping objects that could be thrown away from her. Often, if we can get her to the couch, in the living room, that is her calming place. She can get herself back to stable. She may yell, rock back and forth, but it’s not as scary as in public. In public, none of us are “in control.” The environment changes in public, the people are unpredictable. We’ve experienced too many who say hurtful things to us. We’ve had people who think it’s our fault, a disciplinary problem, we have, that could be solved. Brain damage is tricky, it’s unpredictable and tough to stabilize her mental health. Medications are processed differently in everyone, but Teale’s brain damage makes the process of knowing what, and how much, she needs, very specific to her alone. Mark, myself and Teale’s doctors need to read Teale, constantly, to make informed decisions about her care. Teale is on an antipsychotic medication, which has made our lives more stable. It has calmed Teale’s mood’s, giving her a better quality of life. But body chemistry changes, hormones, environment, what she chooses to eat or drink in a given day, how much sleep she gets, it all factors in. It’s complicated in a typical person who can communicate. Teale isn’t able to give us abstract thoughts. She can’t tell us when medication makes her feel good or bad. All the side effects of medications that are unseen, we have to be attuned to. Had the antipsychotic medication that had helped for years, run it’s course?
Mark would slowly fill me in over several days. Processing takes time. You forget when in that kind of stress. The details get lost in your mind. We have to process together, what this all means for Teale. Would a medication change be coming. Would she need new doctors? The psychiatrist we had been working with had left the practice. At this time, we could only get a consultation with him and Teale’s PCP. If the antipsychotic medication had run the course, what was next? More questions, than answers would run through our heads. Mark and I process it all differently. Which is helpful in many ways. We both want the best for Teale, we both need peace and know living in fear is not an option. I can not live in unpredictably. Mark needs us all to be safe.
Sadly, it will be many months, before we are on the road to a new plan that helps Teale.
To be continued…
