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Thursday, July 17, 2014

Thoughts Keeping Me Awake

We are just weeks away from our Wedding renewal of vows ceremony and celebration. Details are slowly coming together, but I find my head constantly spins. There is always something I need to do, a detail I want to get done, a thought I want to write down before I lose it to the other crowded thoughts floating in my head. Tonight was no different. Mark was in bed all day yesterday with flu like symptoms and I woke around 2:30am with a headache myself. I got him some Motrin and Tylenol, popped a few myself but then could not fall back asleep. My head was awake and details were filling it up. I need flowers for the church, we haven't connected with all the people we want to help us with music, am I getting the illness Mark has, how will I pack Teale for her overnight camp if I am? I finally gave up and made a cup of tea, and am sitting at my computer with a list, my thoughts and a hope this headache goes away...

One of the biggest tasks I still have to do is to write my vows. I've had many thoughts on this and haven't settled on any, so I thought I would write a few different things and see what comes of it.

Our marriage started out when I was just twenty two and Mark was twenty four. We had not been dating long when we decided to wed. It was a fast courtship that has turned into a life of deep love. My friends have called us soul mates, a term overly used these days, but I think for us, it fits. There was a comfort in our relationship from the very begining. It was evident to those we knew that Mark and I just clicked. We share many of the same values and wants from life, we respect each other and there is a deep admiration too. From the beginning I have felt like we lived another time together. I'm not sure what I believe when it comes to these thoughts, but I have vague memories of something long ago that makes me wonder if this is not our first go at life together. I have a deep fear of cold and drowning in cold water. There is a repeated dream that Mark has had over the years of drowning in a cold river. The two things somehow seem significant and make me wonder if we are here together again for a reason? I believe in a God and a Heaven, but I also am open to the idea of being on earth to learn lessons your soul needs to learn before your soul can reach enlightenment. Have we lived other lives together and this is our final journey? 

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