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Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Blogging and Walking

If I want to get in my "steps" I must give up much else. I have found it difficult to both blog and get in the steps I had committed too when I bought a FitBit. I succeed at one thing, failing another. My energy has wained on walking because the results were not showing. I started at the end of February, pushing to get 15000 steps a day. By the end of May, still no real results, as in no weight loss! I was still walking and trying, but now I'm just stuck, not trying & frustrated.
Why is it so easy to put on weight and so difficult to take it off? Blogging was killing my progress, so I basically stopped. The sitting to type my innermost thoughts meant just that, I was sitting! The funny thing is, if I don't get out my feelings in writing, they are often bottled up inside me. I say much and am considered an open book by many, but if you only knew what I don't say...
So here it is, three months of walking six and a half miles practically every day and I have nothing to show for it! NOTHING! Not a pound down, not a pant size down, not one compliment on my looking fitter, not a boost in self esteem because I felt better about my looks.
So what is next? Do I give up and hate myself more? Do I push through and focus on the fact that I did feel better?
I'm not sure, but I know I need to take care of me and that I have been notoriously bad at that. I am a care giver and the care of others always seems to come ahead of my own care. I need to cut myself some slack and not expect changes to happen instantly.
I need to blog because blogging clears my mind of the frustrations, fears, worries and stress I often feel. Many may think I am making excuses. They may think it's not that difficult to use self control and lose weight. I know I have also judged people who are morbidly obese and wondered how they got that bad? But then I take a step back and look at my own life. The stresses, the health issues I have faced, from Celiac Disease and being hyperthyroid to having severe Seasonal Affective Disorder my whole life. The losses and the stress we have faced as a family are too many to name. I also look at my daughters. Teale is on many medications that cause weight gain, her mobility is an issue. She is often alone or with just family and doesn't choose to be very active anymore. Her activities are very sedentary and she eats much out of boredom mostly. Gwenn lives with the stresses of life with Teale too. We all struggle in different ways. I tend to reach for sweets and fast energy foods. I don't eat breakfast or even lunch often, but then am starved by late afternoon. That is the thing about being healthy, you often know what you do wrong but struggle to change it! So here I sit pouring out my soul and just hoping I HEAR IT!

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