I find Mother’s Day to be a difficult day. I struggle with many losses & unfulfilled dreams. The should have, could have & would have’s are overwhelming. When we are young, our Mother’s are thought of as super human. We put them on pedestals that are too high to reach. We forget they are just people, trying to find their way in circumstances we may not understand. We romanticize what a Mother should be & we are disappointed because they are not that fantasy. We all have baggage of the past that creates us. In the moments of our lives we do what we know. In future moments, we may sit in the same situation, completely differently. My Mother was far from perfect, but she did her best & I finally learned to accept her flaws & enjoy her goodness in my 30’s. Unfortunately I lost her at 38 years old, but my realization of my Mom having her own, tough past, relieved me of much pain. Her being human took away those over expectations I had for her. I was finally able to look at how I was strengthened by the difficult & grew in much love. I dreamt of doing better in my own family & understood, she had probably lived those same dreams. I will never look back on my own journey as a Mother & think I was “the best.” My regrets are many & cannot be changed but I move forward, knowing I will make mistakes & I will have many victories too.
