Thoughts Out Loud

The most important work you and I will ever do, will be within the walls of our own homes.  ~ Harold B. Lee ~

Recently a girlfriend asked me what I am doing now that “gardening gigs” are done. 

My reply ~ “Working on staying married!” 

The truth is, I work on that daily, all year, but as my time “free’s up,” without gardening, I try hard to get us in better shape, in many ways. Some things “slip” in our life during my busy seasons. Digging us back out from under can be quite daunting!

Our girls always have a lot of medical appointments. This Fall I was hit hard with more, when Gwenn badly sprained her ankle. Physical Therapy and an orthopedist for Gwenn was not in my plan. I did plan on playing catch up with some doctors. Also, we are transitioning Teale to all adult specialists slowly. A tactic I felt was necessary, while we still have a pediatrician, who knows her medical history well. Soon our pediatrician will drop Teale, so I don’t want to be out in the cold, with all new doctors and our biggest supporter gone. Organizing Teale’s medical, financial, social & educational needs is time intensive. Gwenn’s needs are different, but many are similar. There are things I do, that I’m guessing, an average family may not deal with regularly. I’m used to juggling and staying on top of pharmacies, doctors, school nurses, etc, to be sure all orders are in place and Teale is getting the care she needs. But needs change and I learn new needs. Getting blood work regularly to make sure medicine levels are safe & not causing other medical issues is tricky. It’s a fine balance and even with our staying on top of it, we learned a hard lesson a couple years ago. Her kidneys started to fail and are permanently damaged because of medication. Chronic Kidney Disease and high blood pressure were added to her long list of medical issues.  

My gardening gigs can, mostly, be flexible. That is why it has worked for us. I work a lot of hours in good weather, to then be off during the Winter. The holidays are stressful for all families and we all try so hard to make special memories. I have both girl’s Birthday’s bookending Christmas. So I often feel that from Thanksgiving to Gwenn’s Birthday is a blur!

Mark is super busy at his job and in his many bands. I found out recently that my friends may not understand the level of commitment it takes to be a musician. Mark practices sax every weekday evening at home, after Teale is in bed. This means, at the least an hour, if he is not rehearsing or gigging out. Even on gig days, he needs “warm up time.” It had never occurred to me that those who are not musicians, (or intimately connected to one) do not know the need for working on your “craft” almost every day. Weekdays, we barely see each other, Teale gets most of his attention before he disappears to practice. By the time Mark is done, it’s bedtime. Sometimes I’m already in bed, by the time he returns. Being married to a part time musician is fun, it’s true, but we have learned balance, in our life together.

It really takes a lot of work to keep all families afloat. Mark and I have discovered scheduling  quality time together regularly. Daydates, to me, are our number one friendship saver! I believe without them, our connection may have just slipped between our fingers... and in my opinion, that can not be an option! My relationship with God & Mark are number 1 & 2, without those priorities, I find I am lost. I often will tell Mark, I need some “Markie time!” Time together renews my soul and helps me to keep doing all I need to. Thankfully, I have learned to identify this and ask for time together, Mark then makes it a priority. Honestly, I’m not sure he would ask the same, he’s kinda typical guy, work and music drive him, but I think he would agree, our friendship has been the icing on the cake of life.

I am Blessed to be married to a man who supports my ventures, working, volunteering & taking care of our family. Plus maintaining my own self, through friends and hobbies. He too, has my support, in all his endeavors and I know he knows that.

I hope to always support others journies, in my own house and outside it. Each family has it’s own unique challenges, that none of us live or really understand. And strangely, from the outside, many lives may look easier. Maybe Facebook is partially to blame? 
But personally, I love that analogy about all of us putting our problems into the middle of a circle & then being able to pick a problem from the pile, most of us would just take back our own...