Sunday, June 30, 2019

Without Family...

Teale & I were sitting at a light yesterday & an older man crossed the road in front of us. His shoes were much too big, his clothes didn't fit well, he looked like he had lived a hard life as he shuffled across the street. I could instantly tell this man had some special needs & my mind raced to that dark place, what would Teale do without family to care for her? Where would she be?
Then Teale, with much compassion & concern said ~ "What happened to him? Where he going?"
I responded with what I thought she needed to hear, but knew in my heart, might be a lie ~ "He's ok, he's going home to his family."
She needed me to say this a few times before she was satisfied & tears filled my eyes, as I lied to her, wondering if that man had a family.
I love Teale's compassion, it's so raw & unfiltered, wouldn't the world be a beautiful place if we all cared like my daughter does & acted on that care...

This is an older Facebook post, that I thought was worth sharing & elaborating on.

Our fears of Teale being alone in the world are many. We know Beau, our son, loves her. We hope he will be sure she’s safe and taken care of when we are gone. Our daughter, Gwenn, has said Teale is Beau’s job. She and Teale have a very strained relationship. Years of Teale treating Gwenn badly has beaten down whatever relationship they had. As little girls, they were very sweet at times, Gwenn understood from a very young age, she was the protector. Gwenn cared about Teale and tried to be her friend. Sometimes their love and silliness was my biggest joy. But, Teale’s mood disorder caused her to snap often and fear would take over. Her rages were dangerous and scary, Gwenn needed protection from the very beginning of her life. Bringing Gwenn home to Teale and all the explosive behavior Teale had just started displaying, was a frightening experience. Their relationship has been a roller coaster and even as Teale has gotten easier, Gwenn has dug in her heels and won’t even try. My heart hurts for the little girl who loved her sister. I remember all the times this went awry when Gwenn was small and wanted to play with Teale. I still hope for a change in how they interact but until Gwenn decides she wants the relationship, it will never be. So, that leaves Beau. Beau says he will take care of Teale. He jokes about them hanging together and I pray his life keeps him close so he always knows Teale. I’m sure I’ve written about the fear of “when we are gone,” several times. It is the one fear I play over and over again. I once heard our community is the only one that thinks the child passing before us might be more peaceful. It’s a horrific thing to admit, but it goes through my head... I just would hope to not be long here without her, if that were to happen, because no parent should bury their child...