I woke this morning to the distinct feeling of being stared at. Mark had played another late gig, we didn’t get to bed until after 1AM. Usually, I would notice the shade up before going to bed. But I was exhausted and didn’t shut it before falling asleep. The window on my side, gets morning sun and with it open, our room was bright. I looked over and, not to my surprise, Teale was standing over me. Her hair was swooped to one side, the sun seemed to illuminate her. I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was. In those moments of not quite consciousness, I was overwhelmed by how she looked. I checked the time and it was only just 6AM, but it was obvious she wasn’t going to give up easily. I decided getting up was probably the lesser of the evils. I could have coffee and enjoy the morning quiet on my porch. Teale then, might, leave her Dad be. He had played out much in the last week and maybe, he would get some much deserved sleep.
Later in the morning, when Mark was up, I told him how I had woken and how incredibly gorgeous Teale had looked in the sunlight. I had struggled in those moments with the fantasy of her “normal” life and what that could have been. Mark understood, saying he had recently had a similar moment, looking over at her in his car one day. He was taken aback by her beauty and the thoughts of what “could have been,” crept in. I tried to not tear up, but my sadness is real and I only could voice, “ You have done well by her.” In the quiet of the kitchen, we hugged in silence. We understood something not anyone else can. As much as we love Teale as she is, it is forever a painful realization, that it could have been different for Teale. Teale could have been a college kid right now, a young adult, slowly separating from us. Instead, this morning, she woke me, because her greatest joy, is to be with people she loves. I am proudly one of those people.
We grieve sometimes, not because we are regretful of who Teale is, but because we have empathy. It isn’t easy, her life, but it is filled by love. So for that, I am thankful.
Later in the morning, when Mark was up, I told him how I had woken and how incredibly gorgeous Teale had looked in the sunlight. I had struggled in those moments with the fantasy of her “normal” life and what that could have been. Mark understood, saying he had recently had a similar moment, looking over at her in his car one day. He was taken aback by her beauty and the thoughts of what “could have been,” crept in. I tried to not tear up, but my sadness is real and I only could voice, “ You have done well by her.” In the quiet of the kitchen, we hugged in silence. We understood something not anyone else can. As much as we love Teale as she is, it is forever a painful realization, that it could have been different for Teale. Teale could have been a college kid right now, a young adult, slowly separating from us. Instead, this morning, she woke me, because her greatest joy, is to be with people she loves. I am proudly one of those people.
We grieve sometimes, not because we are regretful of who Teale is, but because we have empathy. It isn’t easy, her life, but it is filled by love. So for that, I am thankful.
