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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Alone

Today Gwenn ran from house to house enjoying her freedom and her neighborhood friends. She's now at another sleepover, her third in just a week. Beau had many plans with his friends and has been scarce much of the day. Soon I expect he will be walking in, maybe still with a friend or two. I can hear the neighbors outside laughing with their friends as my windows let in the cool evening air. Mark is at a gig and my MIL is getting ready for bed, so here I sit, alone.  I have just put Teale to bed and I ache from head to toe. We worked hard today, Mark and I had much we wanted done, like Mt Washmore to conquer and the back porch to clear. I snuck in a hike for exercise, as I work to get more fit. The list was endless; open the pool, till the garden, clean out the garage, etc. So, as Mark and I tried to whittle our way through much work, my kids were on their own. I remember those care free days well, when I was a kid and my parents worked on the same things. Mostly it was best to stay out of their hair or you'd be put to work. We would run around the neighborhood and come home when the six o'clock whistle blew at the fire house. That was our cue that dinner would be served soon. We didn't carry cell phones or have watches, we just listened for the whistle. All day we played kick ball and whiffle ball and tag. We explored the end of the creek where frogs and snakes could be found. We would hit up different Mom's for popsicles, lemonade and cookies. For me, that was childhood, running with friends, looking for adventures. We bought the house I grew up in in 1997 and watching my own kids in the same neighborhood often has a deja vu about it. I know all the hidden secrets of the neighborhood and have seen my kids find them also. What feels the most familiar is the comfort they have hanging with different friends who live nearby. We know the neighbors well and we all look out for each other's kids. What doesn't feel familiar is my middle daughter Teale, she is often alone. Her understanding of give and take in relationships is poor, therefor she has very few children who will tolerate her and none that I could call a true friend. She was good today, meaning she was fairly content and not explosive, she didn't ride Mark and I with her agenda, so we were able to work. It was a good day for Teale I said to Mark when he called from his gig. But then it hit me and tears welled up in my eyes, it wasn't really a good day. Teale sat alone much, occupying herself with her fantasy friend, Justin Bieber. She watched his movie and youtube videos over and over again. She interacted with Mark and I here and there, as we are truly her best friends. She played video games alone and ate and colored alone. The doorbell would ring and it would be for Beau or Gwenn. Teale seemed to take this all in stride, as she watched her sister and brother with their endless stream of friends. I on the other hand have a broken heart thinking about how alone she is. I dream about Teale finding a true friend. I dream about another child who is alone and wishes for someone to laugh with and their laughter filling my house. I dream about Teale running through the neighborhood, playing as I did and her siblings do. I dream about Teale having what the rest of us take for granted. May my dreams come true...

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