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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

The Irony of Humor

Laughter has gotten Mark & I through much. We are both a tad twisted and laughing at our circumstances helps us to keep the tough stuff, light. If we let the pain and frustration take over, we drown in misery. Finding humor in life is our way of coping, but not everyone would agree with this. Many months ago, a man who I had known 12 plus years, a man I had welcomed into the most intimate parts of our family, failed me. He had been a rock for us, a person both Mark and I trusted and deeply respected. We have had many loses in this life with Teale, services for her are constant and ever changing. We've walked this road with specialist after specialist, many for only short periods of time and then they disappear from our world, leaving me to wonder if we made any impact on their lives? People come and go in all our lives, but possibly more so in the life of a child like Teale. From the very first moments we found out her "issues," Teale and our family has been surrounded by people who "knew more than we did." Specialist were brought into our world constantly. These people  often brought us hope but sometimes, they brought us to our knees, explaining sad realities about Teale and her future. The information we were thrown by these professionals (doctors, therapists, teachers, education administrators, behavior specialist, etc.) was often a mix of "what it is & what it may become." There are and have been so very many people welcomed into the very complicated folds of our family. We have shared our vulnerabilities with complete strangers, hoping for help in areas we struggle. Teale makes me think, not just a little, or once in awhile, but constantly. My mind barely ever lets go of how to improve on my care and in turn, improve Teale's quality of life. I am a Mother of two other children, who also flood my mind, but I can honestly say, they do not monopolize my thoughts the same way my middle child does.
So back to the professional who brought such pain. He was part of our lives much longer and much more intimately than any other professional besides our pediatrician. He was a trusted part of our team of support. I'm not sure I'll ever truly know what went wrong that day or why, but a regular appointment became a game changer that would have ever lasting effects on my family. Humor seemed to be what set the disagreement in motion. Humor, the very essence of how Mark and I cope was being questioned like we had performed some heinous act. Mental illness is a very difficult field of study. It is often very subjective, making the doctors in the field very powerful. Their opinions are but, in my opinion, just that, their opinions. If a family is thriving, judging how they thrive, is uncalled for. Mark and I are doing just that, we are thriving. Amongst the bad we have managed to keep a loving home, a strong marriage, friendships and even our own personal interests. Our two other children are also thriving, sure there are many sacrifices we all make, but to criticize how we cope, after years of knowing us, it was horrid how harsh he was. I'm not going into details and if you ask the name, I probably won't share. Many of the people who are close to us know the whole story. I can't hate him, he really was there for us for many years, but something "snapped" that day and our team was divided. A person I trusted was suddenly attacking my husband and myself. So as I calmly stood up and told him I was leaving, "because he wasn't himself," I won't deny, my heart broke a bit. I was walking out of his office, but I also knew I was walking out of his life. Humor was at the core of it, humor was being questioned, like Mark and were very mentally ill for being able to find the the good and the humor in our very complicated family. I'm still confused by that day. But since then, there have been many changes for the good. My walking away, may be the reason God put me through that pain, maybe it was part of a bigger plan? Maybe change was needed to complete it? Another loss in the professional world, but I refuse to view it as a loss. It was a relationship that served it's purpose and then suddenly, it no longer did.
I learned much from the experience, but probably the biggest things I learned are; how powerful I am, how strong we are and how little all those professionals really know.  Mark and I are the only ones who truly matter. We are the glue that holds the family together...

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