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Sunday, August 30, 2015

Strong Willed

It's been several weeks since the nephrologist threw at me the words "kidney failure." The shock in that moment, more pain than I could share. It took me days to process and move forward. It took weeks before plans got set and we knew how we would begin to get our daughter healthy again. There were no guarantees, if anything, the doctors were actually preparing us for the worst and not giving us much hope. Would her kidneys heal? Would she be able to live a typical, healthy life or was this the beginning of a very long and painful road? Mark and I have faced fear before, fear of not being able to keep Teale healthy and stable has been a constant for both of us. I mostly struggle with whether I'll be able to continue to give quality care to my daughter without risking my own wellbeing? She's much bigger and quite frankly, stronger than me. I often think about if I can keep up this level of care, forever? But, if you know me, I am nothing, if I am not strong willed! I believe that's just a nicer way to say "stubborn and strong!" It's gotten me through this life with Teale though, so I'm not putting a bad spin on the words. A weaker soul may have crumbled under the stresses. For me, it just made me dig in my heals and fight harder. Teale is much like me in this way, "strong willed," has saved her life and brought her through many challenges. So here we are, weeks later, through, what I hope, was the worst of it! Teale seems pretty stable, mentally & physically. I'm hopeful some healing has taken place and we can put the words "kidney failure" behind us. Now if I could only get past the feeling of "what is next" in this incredible journey as Teale's Mom? 

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