I’ve tried to analyze the argument. It was so strange to me. I’m not sure I understand what happened? At this point, it’s been several weeks. I sometimes dream of a meeting and talking it out, but for me, it’s too late. The trust is gone. For me, when trust goes in a relationship, that is the end.
I’m not angry or upset, actually, I’m fine and I wish her well. I will always care about her.
I appreciate that saying about people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I believe everyone has a purpose & you learn from every encounter, whether short or long.
Sadly, in this particular friendship, I often had a nagging underlying feeling that I had to be careful. I felt like I had to watch my words, it was work.
I’m sure the most rewarding relationships I have are the genuine ones. The ones I can speak my truth. It may be rare, but those relationships are the ones I most cherish. Conflict is inevitable, but if met with respect & a desire for a deeper understanding, conflict can be seen as a privilege. Conflict can be seen as a time to grow in understanding.
I know I am a good friend, I know I am a good person. I know I never purposely hurt anyone. But, I also know I am going to make mistakes. I am going to mess up and accidentally hurt people I love or care about.
In her eyes, was I cruel? In my eyes, I made a mistake, but admittedly, I didn’t understand the depth it. For me, in a trusted relationship, it would have been talked out. I thought I deserved a phone call or to set up a face to face immediately. Instead I got a text to stop contact & many days of silence. Silence seldom heals when in an argument. For me it creates doubt and time to stew. For me, silence tells me I’m not important enough to work out a disagreement with. For some, it is a deep ingrained way to deal with conflict. Silence is meant to hurt. Silence makes the other person feel worthless. Maybe that’s not the intention, but it comes across that way. Cooling down in a disagreement can be helpful and sometimes it is needed before healing can take place. The balance of that is tricky though and can backfire for some relationships & people. If this is the only way to deal with conflict or the silence lasts too long, the relationship may never heal. If silence is only used to avoid the deeper truth and the conflict is never openly discussed, how would you heal. Silence over and over again will chip away at a relationship. Stewing, instead of speaking your truth, will create much doubt.
That is what happened for me. Silence created a feeling of doubt, a feeling of worthlessness. Then when the silence was finally broken, I felt chastised. I didn’t feel like I was heard or respected. Her anger still seemed too intense to move forward, so I gave up. Friends shouldn’t have hierarchy. A healthy relationship recognizes each other’s feelings.
Something I recognize in my relationship with Mark, is a deep respect for each other. Without that trust, we could never have the depth of love we have. I believe, when trust and respect are there, love naturally follows.
