21 lessons I’ve learned from Teale, in honor of her 21st Birthday tomorrow;
1- Patience, I think I was patient before having her, but not like I am now.
2-This too will pass. Most behaviors, tough times, medical issues get solved or at least become more stable.
3- Her community of people contains some of the most wonderful humans in the world. I was not connected to the special needs community, before Teale, as I am now. I can’t imagine life without the people she brought me.
4- Brain damage does not mean the same to me. I now understand the brain has the ability to overcome & heal much. It is miraculous how giving Teale all the experiences we could, may or may not have changed her outcome. I often debate if she would have done as well in another family. My answer is no, I believe our family (including the extended family & all the people who touch her life) was who she needed.
5- Letting go, I’ve let go of much over the years. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes I ache. There is too much to name, but those who knew me before Teale, know many of the losses.
6- Work does not always mean having a paying job. I’ve been a caretaker much of the 21 years, jobs have come and gone, but Teale’s care has always remained a constant. It is the one job I could never put a salary to.
7- I have allowed people to help me. In the beginning I often said I was fine or I tried to do it all on my own. Now I graciously accept help and then pay it forward, when I’m in a better place.
8- Kindness gets you more. When I’ve been in situations which are unfair or challenge me, staying calm & forgiving helps me to get what we need.
9- The squeaky wheel phrase really does work. I have needed to advocate for help and or change, multiple times, before it happens. People are flawed, they forget, they don’t call you back, they don’t follow through. Forgiveness & moving forward is more productive than being angry and sitting in disappointment.
10- Having a good partnership with Teale’s team is worth the effort. When people feel valued and appreciated, they take better care of my daughter.
11-Many of the things I thought were important at the beginning of this journey, are not. I no longer stress all the things I thought Teale would overcome. Letting go of losses gives me more peace.
13- Mental stability is one of the most difficult things to help a person achieve. I think I used to believe mental illness was solved easily by taking medications & working on your attitude. Mental illness is far more complicated than I knew. I am lucky the things I have lived and struggle in, have not destroyed me and caused debilitating mental health challenges.
14- Medicine trials are TOUGH! Each person reacts differently & getting the balance right is almost impossible in a person that can not verbalize the abstract feelings inside them.
15- Coloring in the lines is a ridiculous expectation and activity. I no longer care much about academics for Teale. She needs hands on, life experiences. Who cares if she can color inside the lines or complete a worksheet?
16- People are good. There are those who judge but the majority of people love and care. The amount of support is far greater than the amount of judgement.
17- The more I share, the more people understand & learn. I have been an open book since the beginning and the number of people who reach out to me is incomprehensible. Many appreciate that they are not alone & others appreciate the insight into a life they don’t experience.
18- It’s easy to judge a situation from the outside. Others not knowing the whole story, is something we live. So when something happens, that I don’t understand, I try to remember I don’t know all of the history or sides to a situation. Judgement is unproductive. Compassion & understanding brings us together as a caring community.
19- Trauma is impactful on our lives. It is only recently coming to light how trauma hurts and changes a spirit. My family has faced much over the 21 years, as both individuals & as a group, we often try to use humor to get through it. But the truth is, we suffer from the experiences we have lived & the triggers are real. We can’t just squash those feelings or they come out in other ways. I personally need to write, talk & share, to work through my traumas. Otherwise I hurt too much.
20- Sharing our journey has connected us in ways I never could have imagined. I am “real” with much of our life. That being said, I do not share all the pain & joy we live. When Teale was younger, a friend said ~ People only see a snippet of your life & think they understand. What they don’t get is all the depth of the joys & the pain.
21- LOVE is the greatest lesson I have learned. To stay connected to my faith, to my God and to my husband has brought me through more than I could have ever imagined.
1- Patience, I think I was patient before having her, but not like I am now.
2-This too will pass. Most behaviors, tough times, medical issues get solved or at least become more stable.
3- Her community of people contains some of the most wonderful humans in the world. I was not connected to the special needs community, before Teale, as I am now. I can’t imagine life without the people she brought me.
4- Brain damage does not mean the same to me. I now understand the brain has the ability to overcome & heal much. It is miraculous how giving Teale all the experiences we could, may or may not have changed her outcome. I often debate if she would have done as well in another family. My answer is no, I believe our family (including the extended family & all the people who touch her life) was who she needed.
5- Letting go, I’ve let go of much over the years. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes I ache. There is too much to name, but those who knew me before Teale, know many of the losses.
6- Work does not always mean having a paying job. I’ve been a caretaker much of the 21 years, jobs have come and gone, but Teale’s care has always remained a constant. It is the one job I could never put a salary to.
7- I have allowed people to help me. In the beginning I often said I was fine or I tried to do it all on my own. Now I graciously accept help and then pay it forward, when I’m in a better place.
8- Kindness gets you more. When I’ve been in situations which are unfair or challenge me, staying calm & forgiving helps me to get what we need.
9- The squeaky wheel phrase really does work. I have needed to advocate for help and or change, multiple times, before it happens. People are flawed, they forget, they don’t call you back, they don’t follow through. Forgiveness & moving forward is more productive than being angry and sitting in disappointment.
10- Having a good partnership with Teale’s team is worth the effort. When people feel valued and appreciated, they take better care of my daughter.
11-Many of the things I thought were important at the beginning of this journey, are not. I no longer stress all the things I thought Teale would overcome. Letting go of losses gives me more peace.
13- Mental stability is one of the most difficult things to help a person achieve. I think I used to believe mental illness was solved easily by taking medications & working on your attitude. Mental illness is far more complicated than I knew. I am lucky the things I have lived and struggle in, have not destroyed me and caused debilitating mental health challenges.
14- Medicine trials are TOUGH! Each person reacts differently & getting the balance right is almost impossible in a person that can not verbalize the abstract feelings inside them.
15- Coloring in the lines is a ridiculous expectation and activity. I no longer care much about academics for Teale. She needs hands on, life experiences. Who cares if she can color inside the lines or complete a worksheet?
16- People are good. There are those who judge but the majority of people love and care. The amount of support is far greater than the amount of judgement.
17- The more I share, the more people understand & learn. I have been an open book since the beginning and the number of people who reach out to me is incomprehensible. Many appreciate that they are not alone & others appreciate the insight into a life they don’t experience.
18- It’s easy to judge a situation from the outside. Others not knowing the whole story, is something we live. So when something happens, that I don’t understand, I try to remember I don’t know all of the history or sides to a situation. Judgement is unproductive. Compassion & understanding brings us together as a caring community.
19- Trauma is impactful on our lives. It is only recently coming to light how trauma hurts and changes a spirit. My family has faced much over the 21 years, as both individuals & as a group, we often try to use humor to get through it. But the truth is, we suffer from the experiences we have lived & the triggers are real. We can’t just squash those feelings or they come out in other ways. I personally need to write, talk & share, to work through my traumas. Otherwise I hurt too much.
20- Sharing our journey has connected us in ways I never could have imagined. I am “real” with much of our life. That being said, I do not share all the pain & joy we live. When Teale was younger, a friend said ~ People only see a snippet of your life & think they understand. What they don’t get is all the depth of the joys & the pain.
21- LOVE is the greatest lesson I have learned. To stay connected to my faith, to my God and to my husband has brought me through more than I could have ever imagined.
