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Sunday, October 26, 2014

The Ups & Downs

We all have ups and downs in life. Times we are on top of the world and times we struggle to understand the point. I'm often somewhere closer to the struggling to understand the point, but I try to put out a more positive outlook. Often my strategy is to look for the bright side in a tough situation. An example, yesterday I posted the following on my FaceBook page.

My sincere thanks to the many people, including Wegmans (our local grocery store) security, who offered Mark help in Wegs parking lot a bit ago. Teale in a rage, by yourself, in public, is beyond tough. But, the upside, the world really is getting more compassionate toward these situations. People are recognizing "a child with special needs," as opposed to thinking it's the parent's fault. Mark didn't feel like anyone was judging him, only wishing they could help. The kind offers made Mark feel less alone. A huge difference from how we were treated when Teale was little & raged in public!   

The truth is I do feel grateful for the help offered and the fact we don't go through these episodes as often, but the "why does my daughter suffer so much haunts me." It's not pretty and it wrecks me every single time it happens. It can ruin a day or a weekend. I can recover quickly or I can hurt inside for many hours or even days after a rage. The bruises on the outside pale, both literally over time and they are not nearly as hurtful as the pain inside my head. I suffer PTSD from rages. My adrenaline gets high in the fight or flight moment of a rage and then I crash. I am sincerely mentally burnt out and scared of what will happen next. But I have found looking for the good in these situations helps me. Like the fact that if Teale throws stuff or breaks something in a rage now, she will help clean it up, after she calms. She knows my exceptions and has come out of rages asking how she can help. This may not seem like a huge gain to an average person, but it is in my life. We all have ups and downs, we all deal with stress and disappointment in life differently. I tend to write and share my life with others, whether it is here or on my FaceBook page, sharing through stories helps me to get through. So if you are a part of my life here, on FaceBook or both, writing is cathartic for me and I appreciate your being a part of the life of my family. 

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