Spiritually Comes in All Forms

 When it comes to my personal spiritual journey, I can honestly say, it’s been much like a roller coaster ride. There have been times of extreme lows when I’ve questioned everything. Times I’ve been angry and even hated God for the mass inequities. I’ve lived in the age old, “there can’t be a God, with all this suffering.” 

I believe questioning is not only common to get to a higher understanding, but also, needed. Personally, I believe in an afterlife. I believe our souls are having a human experience and I don’t think this is or has been our only time here. I am sure each of us are here to learn from and to teach other souls. There are some souls who see the world with a deeper understanding than others. I believe in the concept of “old soul.” An old soul has lived many lessons and are at a higher awareness. If open to their lessons, they draw you in. There’s a connection your soul craves and a peace you immediately feel from these people. 

In Covid, I decided to pursue my lifelong interest in mediumship and all the wonders surrounding it. I first completed my energy wellness certification. Learning about the energy within the body and how we have the capability to heal. I have embraced my own abilities to move energy to areas of pain, and how that helps to heal. The intuition I receive, as I help others to heal themselves has come naturally to me. I believe I was ready to take on this concept, so it was natural and easy. I’ve learned so much about myself, humankind and the powers that God has given each of us. 

My psychic medium certification came next. I am a student medium who is learning how to quiet my mind and tune into the energies around me. The spirits talk and I can see them in my minds eye and in my surroundings. As I learn to hone this more, it’s the journey that brought here, that is so important to me. I’m 54 years old and in my lifetime, I have experienced much when it comes to spirits, but it took me until now to really understand those experiences. Energy is all around us, we are just energy and that is what is left behind when we pass. Tuning into the energy of the earth is a “skill” anyone can learn. 

I understand that some believe this is something we should not delve into. To them, it is wrong in some way and against the teachings of God. For me, the simplicity of “all of us are energy,” has been a spiritual awakening. I feel closer to God, as I understand this more deeply. 

I believe my youngest daughter brought me to this place. We started to learn more as we built a deeper understanding together through classes at a place that has become a “second home” to me.

Tarot is another experience I have learned from. Gwenn and I had taken classes, but it wasn’t until we started attending a “practice class” once a month, that it all started to click. We probably had no business attending that class, but the teacher was kind and patient. As I learned more about intuition and tarot, the connections came together. Being in the company of others who want to understand, helps me to build on, and trust my intuition more. 

The multiple ways I have chosen to learn more about this “secret world,” has helped me to simplify it all. I am amazed by the knowledge I have experienced. The journey is still new, but it has been eye opening. To be in the company of other’s who have an interest in the spirits that surround us, helps me to feel more at peace. I do not feel as alone, in how I have experienced life. There is no coincidence in this world. All the people we encounter are meant to be in our path. We learn from all experiences and the choices we make. Our souls crave what we need to learn, and for me, this was a path I finally turned down. This was something my soul found peace and comfort in. I am grateful for the people I have found, and the opportunity I have had to learn. But, I now know, it is not a coincidence, I discovered “my people.” Grateful for their beliefs, and for their deeper level of understanding, that I craved. It has brought me a peace and joy, I didn’t even know, I was missing. Thank you to all of you at The Purple Door, a place where I found peace, understanding and acceptance.  

Caregiver

Apparently November is National Caregivers Month. I was trying to figure out what this is to me. I decided that in order to do that, I needed to write. 

Caregiving is everyday. It’s not a job, Mark or I walk away from at the end of our shift. “Caregiving” sounds wrong somehow. I’m struggling to understand and put into words why I feel this though.

Since COVID, when people ask me what I do, I often say “I lost my job in COVID.” The truth is, my job got more challenging in COVID. I was home 24/7 with very little outside support. Teale and I barely left the safety of our own home. I had to fill her long days with activities and purpose. 

Parenting changes as Teale grows. We work and hope for more independence, all the while, knowing independence is really just a dream. The grief, I’ve often talked about experiencing, is never ending. Maybe the real reason is because the end of caregiving will only come in death. That realization probably shocks others, but, saying it out loud is liberating. It is something that Mark and I keep deep inside, because admitting it hurts too much. Death is something we fear when it comes to our unique families. There is the fear of our spouse dying and being alone in “this.” There is the fear of our child dying and our never recovering. 

Death will be the only way we will “retire” from our job. Whether it is our own death or the early death of Teale, death is the only way we will stop caregiving. So, is caregiving the right word to describe what Mark and I do? 

For us, it’s truly our life. It permeates every conversation, every moment. To be my friend, you must understand this and be tolerant of my mind constantly circling back to Teale. Teale’s care is ingrained in both our souls. Teale, we never get a complete break from, because even in breaks, our hearts are with her and our minds worry. 

So, somehow calling us caregivers feels demeaning to both us and to Teale. She’s not in my care. She is a complete person, our daughter, who we love and who we are always there for. I think that is what most call parenthood?