I barely remember the last time I wrote… So much has happened in our lives since. The ugliest Summer was last year, in 2022. Teale became very mentally unstable and the extreme violent behavior was back. We struggled with how to help her, knowing the antipsychotic medication she was on, was no longer effective. There was no room for an increase and because she had already failed so many medications, we were lost. Her primary care physician fought to help us, as we slowly drowned, in the despair. It was tough to get up everyday, knowing Teale may explode at any minute. Being bigger, stronger and completely unfiltered in her rages, Teale had me beat. I could not control her safely, I could not help her to calm. I was scared and basically living in PTSD all the time. Mark missed a lot of work to keep us all safe. There were many days we couldn’t send Teale to her dayhab, the safety of others was our priority. Mark and I always prefer her behaviors happen at home, with just us. The thought of Teale hurting others and also, the way others may respond to her in a rage, terrifying. When she’s in a rage, the first instinct of others may be to restrain, yet, often, we have found, if you can get her to a safe place, she will “come back” to us, in her own time. Restraint is not only difficult with such a large person, it is very dangerous. Sadly, individuals die from improper restraint. Mark and I trust each other to not hurt Teale, but it is impossible for us to trust anyone else. Ruthless, cunning, unfiltered are just a few adjectives I would use to describe her in a rage. She does not play fair! Teale will bite, kick, pinch, pull hair, scratch, throw anything she can and spit. In COVID times, her spitting became one of the worst things she could do in public.
A mentally ill man in our community was restrained by police, with a “spit hood” on. His name was Daniel Prude and he died of “complications of asphyxia, in the setting of physical restraint.” Daniel was in a mental break and the restraint that was done, was the cause of his death. Imagine how this incident has affected the community and people who care for a of a mentally ill person. It’s heartbreaking to me that all this man needed was compassion and care, that Daniel was suffering. Instead of recognizing that, power and pain was used on him to control. Mental health breaks, in public, are my biggest fear. At home, I know we have some level of control. In the public, people could overreact, police could be called, Teale could be restrained and put in a spit hood. Daniel Prude died, his death taught me that a mentally ill person is not treated with compassion. Daniel Prude should be alive, but fear and power killed him, instead of getting him the medical help he deserved.
Teale, is a white female, always in the care of people who love her. This is the only thing, that gives me comfort, in the times she is mentally unstable. It also makes me hurt for Daniel’s family. They called the police for help, instead, Daniel died. I’m convinced his race was a factor, if you don’t know the whole story, Google it, it’s devastating. The loss of Daniel and all that lead up to his death, emphasizes the lack of understanding mental health. My biggest fears came true for Daniel Prude and his family.
So, in one of Teale’s public rages, during this very unstable time, I can not deny, I was glad she was a white female. I was glad it was my husband with her.
The rage was on a Saturday morning, in December. It was one of the first signs that things were going downhill for Teale. Her sleep had been completely off, she had been waking for the day, as early as 2am. This sleep pattern started in December 2020, we knew it was triggered by the addition of a medication her PCP believed would help her rising behaviors and anxiety. The advice we were given was that her body would get used to the medication and she would sleep normally again. We saw a little relief from the medication, so we persisted through. By December of 2021, Teale had not slept, the entire year, past 4am, except maybe a handful of times. I was the one getting up with her daily. Then, I would go to sleep as early as 7:30pm, if I had been up since 2am. It was a brutal stage, that lasted approximately a year and a half. Writing that baffles even myself, who lived through this. How could we persist a year and a half on a medication that caused insomnia. Well, honestly, I’m not sure. I do believe we had no other options at the time. We were waiting to get her into a new psychiatrist because her’s had left the PCP’s practice. I also believe there were thoughts she was “just in a bad pattern.” She’d come out of it. I know we tried sleep medications, we tweaked medications, we waited and we prayed. Sometimes in our life, it feels like it is Mark and I against the world. We feel alone, like no one else really understands and or believes the stage we are in. I believe in this, we felt that way. Getting into a new psychiatrist seemed impossible. The medication that was suggested, was difficult to get on. Teale had failed so many antipsychotic medications, that a last resort medication was being suggested. Our son, who is a nurse in psychiatric care, had seen this medication as a miracle for some. We were anxious to make the switch, but month’s would go by before we could see the new psychiatrist.
The incident was at Wegmans. It was December of 2021. In the month of December, Teale dresses in Christmas clothes. It’s something fun we started several years ago, just the week before Christmas, but has expanded to the entire month, because her Christmas clothes collection continues to grow. Gifts given on her December 9th Birthday, have contained fun Christmas clothes. As the collection got bigger, I decided why not make December a fun month of all these clothes?
Every Saturday morning Mark and Teale do the family grocery shopping. It is at the same location and usually about the same time. Teale and Mark are known there. They often make friends with other routine shoppers who they see every week and they have friendly relationships with staff. We’ve gotten Teale’s medication at the same Wegmans pharmacy for all of Teale’s life. The staff is pretty consistent and friendly. They help us through insurance glitches, doctors not responding to new prescription requests, etc. Mark is friendly, kind and patient as he helps Teale through grocery shopping, people notice this, and it attracts kindness from strangers.
It’s a juggling act getting Teale through any public place. We have to be aware of everything going on around us. As an example, a young curious child staring at Teale, can throw her into a rage. She is very observant of other people’s behavior towards her. She watches everything and feels much.
It was a normal Saturday morning, Teale dressed for Christmas and excited to show her friends at Wegmans her Christmas outfit. Somewhere around the back of the store, Mark saw and felt a shift in Teale’s behavior. He instinctively knew he need to get out of there. Teale can be impossible to get out of a public setting once her mood shifts, so, we play a bit of a song and dance to accomplish this. Careful to not escalate the situation, Mark said something about being done and headed to the cashiers. He has her help put groceries on the conveyor belt as he tries to talk her back to happiness. The thoughts going through his head, are to just get out of the store, before her simmering mood, blows. He’ll talk to her about fun things coming up or fun things that have passed, he just wants to find one thing that she will cling to and then turns her mood back to more stable. It doesn’t always work and this day, he would not get out safely.
To be continued….
