I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. The house work that never ends. The list of errands I should accomplish. The things I wish to do for myself, for my family or for my friends that never seems to get done. Days go by and I plug through, but then I look back and wonder what I did? Some days this hurts, it kills my self esteem, it makes me feel like I'm not a worthy part of this world and I'm not contributing enough. It's tough being an at home Mom. I know many people think it's easy and they are jealous, so I'm careful and I know in many ways I am blessed to be here for my kids. But let's be honest; the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming, the cleaning, the dusting, the bathrooms, the cooking, the organizing, the paperwork, etc, etc, is unfulfilling for my soul. I accomplish it one day and the next day it needs doing again. Some days I feel trapped by the same old jobs that no one really notices or cares that I have accomplished. And before you get yourself all in a huff, I realize that many of you not only have to do all the same stuff I do, but you also have to work an outside of the home job too! I get it, we all have our crosses to bear. I am just expressing that often I feel like no matter how hard I try, my job is never completed and therefore I never feel fulfilled by a sense of accomplishment.
So, with all that being said. I've decided life is not just about the accomplishments. I've decided to live in a way I think I kinda have been subconsciously living. But now I hope to bring that living to a whole new conscious level.
My goal for each day will be to look back and see if I touched anyones heart? That is what I want to be remembered for when I'm gone. I've never heard anyone say at a funeral "Wow, she sure kept a clean house. or Can you believe she got all her errands run?"
Believe me, I'm still going to keep trying to get the things done at home that make life run more smoothly for my family, but if there is a choice to be made between some mundane chore that can wait and a person I can touch the heart of, the choice will be simple.
I hope to touch many hearts in my lifetime....
